by
ALIENS VENMOED ME A TRILLION DOLLARS
"The truth is out there... and paying very well."
Doug Dawkins lives to debunk conspiracy theories, especially crackpot claims of aliens. So when his dead dad FaceTimes him (giving him crazy money and orders to cover up the truth of extraterrestrial existence), Doug is sure this is a hacker's scam and reports it to the NSA. Then government security servers melt down. NSA agents become convinced Doug and his wife are dangerous spies. But Doug is sure he'd never kill anyone or believe aliens exist. Could he be half right?
One problem is that an astronomer just discovered the background static of the universe is actually unfathomably complex, interstellar communications, definitive proof of alien life, and that professor is... Doug's wife, Lena Fierro.
Why would he want to turn down a trillion-dollar cosmic bribe, yet still conceal the truth from the world?
Book Comparisons: THE THREE-BODY PROBLEM meets THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY.
Movie Comparisons: DON'T LOOK UP meets CONTACT and GALAXY QUEST.
"Spacetime is money."
Reviews:
LITERARY TITAN: 5 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Aliens Venmoed Me a Trillion Dollars is a wild, brainy, satirical sci-fi romp... It felt like Black Mirror collided with The X-Files and got notes from Arrested Development."
READERS' FAVORITE: 5 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "sharply written, inventive, and fantastic story"
Publisher: Independently Published
Narrators:
Genres:
Setting: Alaska
Setting: Alaska
CHAPTER 1 — September 30th
“I would never kill anyone. This is not murder,” Doug said in a rain poncho, mask, and goggles. The hardpack snow
crackled beneath his absurdly huge boots, which jangled around his feet as he stomped each stride. He approached the driver’s side of a black SUV pulled over on this remote Alaskan road. The looming, thickset trees and dense, low clouds created a suffocating darkness.
Douglas Dawkins had long-cultivated his streamer image as a nerdy “know-it-most” with a conscience, a badass pacifist. That identity would’ve been destroyed if a camera or living witness saw only the next few minutes.
READ MOREDoug awkwardly gripped a shotgun for the first time in twenty years; his wilderness troop leader taught him how over the fervent objections of his momma. Doug winced, lined up the sights to aim at the still silhouette of NSA agent Bassi in the driver’s seat, and sucked in the freezing air. “I am not a murderer. One, two, three-”
BANG! A muzzle flash blinked light inside the car.
Doug suppressed a barf, then twitched and shivered. He looked around to confirm he was alone, and his shoulders dropped an inch. Yup. Way too easy to get rid of someone around here. Probably why we’re all so polite.
Walking backward into the trees, he dumped clumps of snow over his footprints from an industrial garbage bag. When that emptied a hundred yards in, he pulled his shoes out of the oversized boots. He placed all of his blood- splattered coverings into the bag and kept walking a few miles until he returned to the road back to town.
In the empty parking lot of a long-ago-closed big box store, Doug tossed the bag in the bed of his pickup, alongside the two heavy weighted vests he wore, and drove off. His unburdened moment of ease ended with an unwelcome
videophone call from “MOMMA.”
A stern, older Black woman’s face broke into a smile. “Well done, Doug. We’ve just Venmoed you a trillion dollars.”
DING! Doug’s app alert confirmed the trillion in his account.
“No! This isn’t about money. Plus, that’d be the biggest red flag in banking history! Reverse that!”
“Earth’s primitive tech is easy to manipulate. We decrypted cryptocurrencies so that the funds were opaquely created and constructed in such complexity that any investigation would never identify any culpability. So, how’s about a billion?”
“No! This is entrapment or duress or something.”
“A million dollars?”
“Fine. Uhm. Thank you, I guess.” Doug blinked slower than one should while driving and said, “Actually, don’t do that either. Bribery enables blackmail. I won’t make myself vulnerable to extortion.”
###
